Choosing life

People think a lot of things about Bipolar disorder. Before I was diagnosed the only people I knew of who had bipolar were Kerry Katona and Jean from Eastenders, so my opinion wasn't favourable (or well informed). I'm writing this because I have three packets of Nurofen in my handbag and I can't get out of bed, every inch of me is screaming 'take the pills! Take the pills!' But I'm writing instead. When you have bipolar you brain isn't your friend. I feel like I'm ruining my own life and my brain is trying to kill me. I quit my job last week without another job to go to, I've ruined two longstanding friendships in three days and spent my entire months wages in one weekend. Now I'm feeling incredibly down and am trying my hardest not to take any pills. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm constantly fighting with myself to do something and now that I don't have a job, I've got no reason to get up in the mornings. I constantly surround myself with people, yet I've never felt so lonely in my life. I have no energy left and I'm so tired. I need to find the strength from somewhere to carry on.