I need to learn to be alone

I realised earlier that I haven't had any real time on for own for over a month. I'm always surrounding myself with people so I don't have to be alone with my thoughts. When I'm on my own I 'm either terrified that everyone hates me, end of cutting myself, or drinking vodka. I need to learn to be ok with myself before I can get better. Everyone always thinks I'm absolutely fine and a massive party girl, on the surface you'd never think there was anything wrong with me. Even when I'm surrounded by all these people I feel so incredibly lonely. I know I am loved, but I just feel so unbelievably alone. I've not discussed this with my counsellor as I want her to think I'm ok, I want everyone to think I'm ok. I don't want people to think I'm attention seeking, so I don't talk to anyone, except my three best friends, but Even Then I worry they're getting sick of me. I want to hide away, surrounded by people.